"DON'T WORRY, ITS THE SAME CHICKEN..."

This is the true story surrounding the origin of the Washington insider phrase "DON'T WORRY, ITS THE SAME CHICKEN..."

I will not reveal the names of the other people that were present at this event, but I will share with you that I was there when it happened. It was one of those events that just take on a life of their own. I was in Washington DC for a series of briefings and demonstrations about five years ago, it was one of the rare and happy occasions when I had the opportunity to go to dinner with a buddy of mine from Army Warrant Officer School. I met him and his friends, if memory serves it was me, him, a girl and another guy. We went to a restaurant called The Arizona Grill (I believe it was in Vienna Virginia).

The Pakistani waiter came over to our table to take our orders (I remember his nationality because when I think of the event I can't help but hear his heavy accent). When he asked if he could take our order I remember saying "ladies first". The young lady pointed to the menu and asked if the chicken fried chicken was any good, to which the waiter replied "DON'T WORRY, ITS THE SAME CHICKEN...". We all busted out laughing!

As everyone at the table was involved in working for the US Government either directly or indirectly we latched onto the phrase. My use of the phrase involves reference to utterly ridiculous situations associated with dealing with the US Government, "DON'T WORRY, ITS THE SAME CHICKEN..." is real information but it really did not answer the question "is the chicken fried steak any good?". A way of claiming you responded as required while providing no useful information but covering ones ass at the same time, a page right out of the all-star bureaucratic playbook.

In the context of Information Technology and large organizations, my Army buddy uses it in the context of "we already solved that problem, its the same chicken". This is a reference to people trying to justify their position by drumming up new work as a reaction to the latest internal political wind shift, not realizing that the problem was solved within the organization but never implemented because they never knew there was chicken to begin with!

I am sure the readers of this blog will come up with new and exciting ways to use the phrase "DON'T WORRY, ITS THE SAME CHICKEN..." BUT Beware because sometimes its not the same chicken!

Got the time?

CANVS V USA was filed in the US Court of Federal Claims on Thursday August 11, 2010. Today, if I got this right, was the first time we were allowed to depose a witness.

Time Check:

Duration calculation results

From and including:

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

To, but not including:

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Drum Roll Please...

It is 974 days from the start date to the end date, but not including the end date.

That's 2 years, and 8 months excluding the end date.

Alternative time units include:

84,153,600 seconds (Enough time for Usain Bolt to run the 100m dash 8,784,300 times).

1,402,560 minutes (equal to 23,376 episodes of 60 Minutes or enough time to make 467,520 three minute eggs).

23,376 hours (time enough to watch all six Star Wars movies back to back 1,800 times)

A Public Service Announcement: The Office Idiocy Alert System

When faced with stupidity your first responsibility is to survive so that you might document and share the details of the specific stupidity encountered so that other rational people may benefit from you experience.

Below are some suggested actions to take when faced with varying levels of stupidity. These are not strict guide lines and if you are sharper than a bowling ball you will be able to modify your response to best fit the specific idiocy in the context that it is occurring. Remember to stay calm and document every detail of the stupidity no matter how trivial so that if rational people ever are afforded the opportunity of reading you account (however statistically unlikely this is), future generations will at least be able to say, "How in the hell did they stay so calm in the face of such overwhelming stupidity?!"

LOW

While at a low stupidity level try not to make any sudden moves and cover all shiny objects as the typical moron's attention is drawn to motion and shiny objects. Avoid moving shiny objects at all costs. Do not let anyone see you doing real work or God-forbid having an original thought as this will immediately result in an increase of stupidity based on the “no good deed goes unpunished” principal.

GUARDED

Proper behavior while experiencing a guarded stupidity level requires subtle actions on your part. Proper deescalating actions are highly recommended. A tried and true method involves making sure there is plenty of coffee and free dough-nuts or cookies made available, when possible place the cookies as far away as possible from your work space, although this will not likely reduce stupidity it will at least for a short period of time put some distance between you and the stupidity.

ELEVATED

During elevated levels of stupidity it is imperative that you remain calm. If listening to Enya or Zamfir King of The Pan Flute does not keep you calm try warm milk, valume, a single malt scotch, or all of the above.

HIGH

When levels of stupidity are high, the best thing you can do is remove yourself from direct exposure to the lunacy. One tried and true method is calling in sick, as in I am sick of these high levels of stupidity.

SEVERE

Severe levels of stupidity are often accompanied by a total lack of logical behavior, no common decency, no pride in workmanship, a total disregard for customer satisfaction, and attempts to shift the blame to the only competent people still unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity of the stupidity. Suggested courses of action include crawling under your desk, laughing uncontrollably, and openly working on ones resume in plain sight of the boss. If you are the boss and the situation is not of immediate concern we suggest that you establish a new division to ensure ISO 9000 compliance of any future stupidity.