On 18SEP13, Chief Justice Emily Hewitt of The US Court of Federal Claims heard oral arguments in CANVS V USA. While we are waiting for the written decision I thought I would share this picture with my viewing audience. After reading the inscription note that it took me ten years to get to court and as of 10AUG13 we have been in court for three years so far! Like my Vice President likes to remind me: "If it were easy, someone else would have done it already!"
Oral arguments in CANVS V USA are scheduled to be heard by Chief Justice Emily Hewitt on Wednesday September 18, 2013 at 09:30 at:
The United States
Court of Federal Claims
717 Madison Place, NW
Washington, DC 20005
Much to my suprise, the proceedings are open to the public.
If you care about the future of small business in America, the protection of Intellectual property, and holding everyone accountable to the same laws, I hope you are able to come to the proceedings and see first hand how your Government is behaving.
This is the true story surrounding the origin of the Washington insider phrase "DON'T WORRY, ITS THE SAME CHICKEN..."
I will not reveal the names of the other people that were present at this event, but I will share with you that I was there when it happened. It was one of those events that just take on a life of their own. I was in Washington DC for a series of briefings and demonstrations about five years ago, it was one of the rare and happy occasions when I had the opportunity to go to dinner with a buddy of mine from Army Warrant Officer School. I met him and his friends, if memory serves it was me, him, a girl and another guy. We went to a restaurant called The Arizona Grill (I believe it was in Vienna Virginia).
The Pakistani waiter came over to our table to take our orders (I remember his nationality because when I think of the event I can't help but hear his heavy accent). When he asked if he could take our order I remember saying "ladies first". The young lady pointed to the menu and asked if the chicken fried chicken was any good, to which the waiter replied "DON'T WORRY, ITS THE SAME CHICKEN...". We all busted out laughing!
As everyone at the table was involved in working for the US Government either directly or indirectly we latched onto the phrase. My use of the phrase involves reference to utterly ridiculous situations associated with dealing with the US Government, "DON'T WORRY, ITS THE SAME CHICKEN..." is real information but it really did not answer the question "is the chicken fried steak any good?". A way of claiming you responded as required while providing no useful information but covering ones ass at the same time, a page right out of the all-star bureaucratic playbook.
In the context of Information Technology and large organizations, my Army buddy uses it in the context of "we already solved that problem, its the same chicken". This is a reference to people trying to justify their position by drumming up new work as a reaction to the latest internal political wind shift, not realizing that the problem was solved within the organization but never implemented because they never knew there was chicken to begin with!
I am sure the readers of this blog will come up with new and exciting ways to use the phrase "DON'T WORRY, ITS THE SAME CHICKEN..." BUT Beware because sometimes its not the same chicken!
CANVS V USA was filed in the US Court of Federal Claims on Thursday August 11, 2010. Today, if I got this right, was the first time we were allowed to depose a witness.
When faced with stupidity your first responsibility is to survive so that you might document and share the details of the specific stupidity encountered so that other rational people may benefit from you experience.
Below are some suggested actions to take when faced with varying levels of stupidity. These are not strict guide lines and if you are sharper than a bowling ball you will be able to modify your response to best fit the specific idiocy in the context that it is occurring. Remember to stay calm and document every detail of the stupidity no matter how trivial so that if rational people ever are afforded the opportunity of reading you account (however statistically unlikely this is), future generations will at least be able to say, "How in the hell did they stay so calm in the face of such overwhelming stupidity?!"
While at a low stupidity level try not to make any sudden moves and cover all shiny objects as the typical moron's attention is drawn to motion and shiny objects. Avoid moving shiny objects at all costs. Do not let anyone see you doing real work or God-forbid having an original thought as this will immediately result in an increase of stupidity based on the “no good deed goes unpunished” principal.
Proper behavior while experiencing a guarded stupidity level requires subtle actions on your part. Proper deescalating actions are highly recommended. A tried and true method involves making sure there is plenty of coffee and free dough-nuts or cookies made available, when possible place the cookies as far away as possible from your work space, although this will not likely reduce stupidity it will at least for a short period of time put some distance between you and the stupidity.
During elevated levels of stupidity it is imperative that you remain calm. If listening to Enya or Zamfir King of The Pan Flute does not keep you calm try warm milk, valume, a single malt scotch, or all of the above.
When levels of stupidity are high, the best thing you can do is remove yourself from direct exposure to the lunacy. One tried and true method is calling in sick, as in I am sick of these high levels of stupidity.
Severe levels of stupidity are often accompanied by a total lack of logical behavior, no common decency, no pride in workmanship, a total disregard for customer satisfaction, and attempts to shift the blame to the only competent people still unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity of the stupidity. Suggested courses of action include crawling under your desk, laughing uncontrollably, and openly working on ones resume in plain sight of the boss. If you are the boss and the situation is not of immediate concern we suggest that you establish a new division to ensure ISO 9000 compliance of any future stupidity.
In one of Harlow’s experiment (which would not pass any ethics committee nowadays), five monkeys were put into a regular monkeys’ cage, with a banana hanging high on a rope from the roof of the cage (outside the reach of the monkeys). The researcher then put a step ladder enabling the monkeys to reach the banana. However, whenever one of the monkeys attempted to climb and reach for the banana, ALL monkeys were sprayed with freezing ice cold water. After few attempts, they all learned the association between reaching for the banana and the group collective punishment of being sprayed with freezing ice cold water. If they want to stay warm and dry, they better not reach for the step ladder. From now on, none of the five monkeys tried to reach for the banana anymore. There was no need for the water treatment from that point on.
At this stage the researcher replaced one of the five monkeys with a new monkey. The new monkey, not aware of the icy water treatment, tried to reach for the banana. Within fraction of a second the other four monkeys pounced on him and beat the hell out of him – again and again, till he stopped and did not try anymore. Note, that icy water treatment was not used anymore. The same process was repeated, one of the four monkeys who experienced the original icy water treatment was replaced by a new one, and again all the monkeys beat the new monkey to submission. Finally, the cage was populated by five monkeys of whom none have experienced the icy water treatment. The experimenter then introduced a new monkey to the cage. When this monkey tried to reach for the banana, all five monkeys jumped on him and beat the hell out of him. None of these monkeys knew about the collective punishment of icy water, none knew why they are not allowed to get the banana, but somewhat along the way they learnt that reaching for the banana is not allowed. They become the guardians of this rule without knowing its purpose.
The same happens in organisation. A rule, a regulation, or a procedure, is introduced for a reason. However, after a while, the reason for it is forgotten, but the rule, regulation, or procedure stays. Nobody knows why they are following it, but they all do. Take the blue ink – black ink example that results in loss of customers. Sometime in the past, this regulation was introduced, probably because when photocopied or axed, blue ink was not as clear as black ink. However, technology has moved fast since then. Nowadays we have colour photocopiers and the quality of fax is not affected by ink colour. It doesn’t matter anymore if the ink is blue or black, yet the original regulation is still there, resulting in client loss for no real reason.
The Moral To The Story: When the process becomes more important than getting the job done its time to call Houston because WE HAVE A PROBLEM!
While I contemplate what I can and can't post next reference CANVS V USA (reminds me of the joke: Got any naked pictures of your wife? Want some?), I was playing with Paint Shop Pro to make the image above, it shows the page view history of this blog, the Ghost Nebulae, and a slightly modified version of a Specter Gunship Logo.
All Hallandow's Eve has come and gone yet specters loom in the night, or at least on this blog. Out of the over 2,000 folks who have looked at this Blog ONLY 6 have had the moral courage to actually follow it (that number 6 includes me...). Next year I will begin posting some more stories about Small Business V The Military Industrial Complex (Eisenhower must be spinning in his grave!).
